I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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