it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh god it's open bar.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
