I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
