fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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