I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
