I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
