Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We have started to decorate penises.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
