Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
