I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize