I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
