either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize