Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
