If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize