so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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