Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize