Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am naked and annoyed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
