why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
