How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
