no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
