why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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