I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
