i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
