You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
