did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
