i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
