PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
