Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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