im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
