She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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