Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
