I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
