1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
