Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
