My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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