I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
