yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
