Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
