I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
