Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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