I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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