i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize