I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize