New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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