thus making me awesome and them whores
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I want is dick and wine.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
