I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Buhtt sex?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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