so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
