You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
