I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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