and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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