And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
