he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I deserve this hangover.
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