he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
