I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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