I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
