I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
