My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
