He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
