I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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