her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
