Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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