DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
