One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
