are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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