10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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