That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So squirting runs in the family.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
