dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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