I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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