I bet he comes in French.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
