my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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