my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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