I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
