my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
