Already got asked if we're dating
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
