Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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