My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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