wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
